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wWednesday, August 03, 2005

Readings at 67, Jalan Tempinis 1 - 7

Jac SM Kee

Readings at 67, Jalan Tempinis 1 - 8

Sharanya Manivannan

Readings at 67, Jalan Tempinis 1 - 9

Eileen Lui

I can't understand why I keep on letting people abuse me.

Sometimes, I can be happy one moment and the next second, my world is turned upside down.

Sometimes, I am told that my work is rubbish. When someone you love tells you this, it hurts deep inside like a knife slicing your heart. All the praise and thanks you get from other people suddenly lost its meaning.

You just cannot imagine how debilitating it is to your work when this happens to you.

I began to question myself. I began having self-doubts. I began to think all the works I have accumulated so far are utter rubbish. I think if I were weak, I would have quit long time ago. But I guess I'm not. I need to write the way other people need to eat or drink.

I remembered the time when I was 18 when I wanted to jump off my grandmother's flat at Toa Payoh. You know what stopped me? It was this need to write and to tell stories. I thought back then, I had this magical gift to tell stories. Something deep inside me told me not to jump because I have this ability to stir imagination and even make people happy, cry and laugh though my writing.

Well, after the incident I seek help. I ended up having to take lithium carbonate. After about a month, I discovered how to smile again. But that is another story altogether.

I just want to tell you that I go though life everyday thinking that I have a simple mission; which is to write.

Tonight, I wonder if I could actually write again like the day before yesterday when words just come to me like rain.

posted by Nizam Zakaria at 11:56 AM |